Everyday, all day long we tell ourselves stories about ourselves and the world around us. Often these stories are based on our past experiences. We think because we had trouble completing a task, getting a job or being in a rewarding relationship in the past that the future holds the same results. The truth is though you aren’t the same person today that you were when those perceived failures took place. You likely learned lessons when things didn’t turn out the way you wanted. You have grown since then and you have more life experience to draw from.
Our minds are so tricky. We set goals for ourselves like I want to lose weight, make more money or land a new job and immediately a little voice in our head looks to our past and reminds us that we tried to do these things before and failed. Believing that I can be someone who can succeed is at times such a challenge for me. When I am in this self-defeating mindset there are some things I do to rewrite the “story” I am telling myself.
Step #1
The first thing I do is notice that I am speaking to myself in less than supportive ways and then I stop my negative self-talk.
Step #2
I identify who or what I have been blaming as the reason I have been stuck or unsuccessful in this area. It is so much easier to blame the economy, my parents, my age, my genes or my boss than it is to accept that I have had a hand in creating my experiences.
I’ve learned over time that I always get what I expect, even when I want something better.
Often without intending I have sabotaged the situation by not responding on time, or not asking for what I want. There are so many things I do to get in my own way.
When I think that the fault lies outside of myself there is nothing I can do to change the situation. If I can uncover what I have been thinking or doing that contributed to the problem then I have the power to change those thoughts and actions.
Step #3
I ask myself to clarify what the challenges or struggles may be that are keeping me from realizing my goal. For example, let’s say I am trying to increase my income and I am not succeeding. I look to see what specific things aren’t working. For example, maybe I am not attracting enough clients or I am already working as many hours as I can.
Step #4
Then I break down the actions I need to take and look to see if I am doing the things that will lead to realizing my goals. I Identify what I am thinking and doing that is keeping me from increasing my income. If I am trying to attract more clients I may see that I am not doing enough to market myself or that I need to develop relationships with some marketing partners. If I see that I am already working as much as I can then I know that I need to raise my prices but haven’t because I am afraid I will lose clients if I do.
Step #5
Next up is to look to see if the thoughts I am having are true. Is it true that if I raise my rates I will lose my clients or that new clients won’t want to pay that much? Most of the time I can see that my reasons for not taking action have no basis in reality what so ever but are simply me telling myself that for one reason or another I either don’t deserve what I want or that I don’t have the necessary skills or commitment needed. I can usually see that none of this conversation with myself is the truth. Occasionally I don’t have the skills I need and then I can take a class or get a book and learn the skills that I am missing.
Step #6
Change what I am saying to myself or as my mentor Barbara Huson would say, reframe my thoughts. This requires me telling myself what the real truth is, that I am fully capable of increasing the number of clients I have. That my clients love working with me and would pay more for my services.
Step #7
Take action to move forward with the next step I need to take. If I need to do more marketing then I schedule some time to do that.
Step #8
Expect to receive the result I am seeking. This one is really important. I need to believe that I can succeed at achieving my goal and prepare for it’s arrival. If you can’t get to the place where you expect success then we need to talk. Supporting you in your endeavors is part of my job as your coach. You can set up a Discovery Call below to see if coaching is right for you. You absolutely can create the life of your dreams, you just may need some help getting there.
LOVE,
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